The strangest sort of vanity.

As a child I didn't like revising for exams. It wasn't because I found the task hard or boring. I just didn't like realising there may be something about a subject I didn't know. Maybe it was fear of failure that motivated this strange behaviour. it is possible I feared that if there was something I didn't know then I'd never know it. Silly, stupid and dangerous behaviour which i fought to control. I was the same with magic tricks as a kid. When given a magic set I'd try to make all the tricks work without reading the instructions because "I should be able to work it out!". Utter nonsense, at that point in my life I didn't know any fundamentals of magic to build on, but I still got angry with myself for not being able to work things out unaided. I am still guilty of this possibly indicator of mental illness at times. When reading a book I may skim some parts as if telling myself I'm not really reading it , thus necessitating a good hard slap from my super-ego. This is why I prefer to think of magic as a craft and not an art. To me an art is a pure expression in some form, which magic when performed with heart can be. But a craft is somethign you continually work at to improve. Thus you are allowed to be rubbish when you start, and even have days when you are not as fluent in your moves as you'd like. The point is to practise even when your messing up to remind yourself that this is all part of the process of getting better. All to often I may be feeling a little rough and so spend time reading books on the performance aspect instead of learning new tricks or more importantly, getting my current repertoire smooth and fluid. There's nothing wrong with this from time to time, showmanship IS important, but it's important to realise when you are studying for the the right reason and when you're just hiding from the practise because you've become afraid of it.

they problems with being masterless.

I sometimes wonder if my blog title makes me sound cocky. "I don't NEED a teacher" is what some people may assume. But it's more the case that like many people entering the world of magic I simply can't find one or afford one. So much like many magicians I have to learn from books, and now from DVD's. (on that note I must say that both are good ways of learning with their advantages and disadvantages). There are many problems with not having a teacher. For one case bad habits can creep in, and maybe we don't practise as much as we should because we don't get checked on once a week. This can be worked around by having friends also learning magic and demonstrate for them weekly. But there is one problem I have yet to find a way around. Confidence. I am awaiting a book on childrens' party magic. I love working with kids, they have the same amount as energy as me so I don't have to feel like I'm dragging my feet with them. But I also think children's magic is less scary to perform. I told my partner that once I get the book I may need a few simple, cheap prop before I can perform. She just looked at me for a few moments and said "You just need a plain pack of cards". She's seen me perform, for cash no less, with a simple plain deck of cards. For some reason I have just lost all my confidence for performing card magic and other close up magic for cynical grown ups. All this even though I got good reviews and received payment for doing it months a go and I have practised a lot since, and learnt more techniques both in tricks and handling people.
SO here's the plan. it's Christmas soon, there will be parties. It's time to work my socks off for a few weeks and get some gigs.

been a while again

It's been a while again since my last update. Unlike other times this is also means I haven't been practising as much as I should have. This doesn't mean I've not been working on the craft however. The reason behind the lack of practise does sound like a rather lame excuse. My gf has asked me not to work with cards whilst we were watching television. That was my main double lift and false shuffle time! We've talked more and the ban has been lifted.
To prepare to become a party magician I've taken the following steps. I've been learning to juggle to begin with,. I'll never perform juggling in the act I think, at least not for a very long time anyway. HOWEVER juggling has improved my hand eye co-ordination as well as my ability to control my hands in separate tasks at the same time. I may well try to incorporate a little contact juggling however. I've also dabbled in Balloon Modelling. I tried a few years ago with no success but now -with a very cheap kit no less- I picked it up in a few minutes. I think this adds weight to my theory that when you practise magic you develop a 'knack' for picking up skills that use digital dexterity.

Following the Paul Daniels course I've looked into the actual performing part or magic. I've started the ball rolling with my CRB check and I've found an easy and cheap way to sort out insurance etc. (according to a friend who performs balloon modelling at childrens' parties says he's never really been asked for it)

One side note, after seeing some flourish displays from young magic students my confidence took a huge knock. BUT then I realised they didn't' know many actual tricks, and the tricks they knew were quite transparent. Confidence come with elegance and ease of handling, and vice versa. Both have their seed in practice practice practice.